AWGB Woodturning Forum

General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: BrianH on October 13, 2019, 02:15:56 PM

Title: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: BrianH on October 13, 2019, 02:15:56 PM
A lady comes into the workshop carrying a holly log no more than 3" diameter and split to bugerness at both ends. The conversation went something like this....
Lady: Please can you make me something out of this log?
Me: I'm sorry but I loath commissions and, besides, the tree has been down too long and all these splits make it only fit for the fire.
Lady:  Please can you try only my next door neighbour has quite frightened me.
Me: frightened you, How?
Lady: The holly tree was growing in my garden but blew down in the last gale and now my neighbour tells me if I don't keep a piece of the tree the witches will put a spell on me...… Yes, I have trouble believing it as well but I really don't want to take the risk.
Me, playing for time to digest this hogwash: There is no way I can guarantee anything will come of it but I will try cutting both ends off the log and see if we can find anything more solid nearer the middle.
Long story short.....
I landed up making a tiny, thin walled square bowl, with visible splits but no sanding, no finishing and no polish of any kind. I then buried the bowl within a paper bag filled with its own wettish shavings and passed all responsibility for its future treatment back to the lady, only asking for a donation to my favoured charity.   
She went away delighted, leaving me to check the contents of the workshop vac for any signs of ruined witchcraft.

A strange world we Woodies inhabit!
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: burywoodturners on October 13, 2019, 05:16:21 PM
A club member wanted something to complete a project, and I had to plane a piece of soft wood - for the shavings! It shows that some turners do not go out side of their craft.
ron
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: Twisted Trees on October 13, 2019, 05:43:08 PM
Conversely, I love commission work, the more obscure the better, especially if I can interpret their desires. Non turning I have made planchette's for Ouija boards, supplied sawdust for soft toy stuffing, replicated a dining room in miniature as plant stands for the conservatory.

One of the weirdest turning projects was a 3' sewing pin to hang a sign from.   

As for the witch spell, you got a challenge, your charity got some cash, and the customer has a holly bowl to care for.... 3 spells for the price of one  ;)
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: michaelb on October 13, 2019, 06:10:24 PM
Firstly Brian you must collect the shavings from the Holly take them into a field and dance around them naked this will ward of the witches and probably everyone else.

Couple of years ago was approached by a Student doing a PhD in believe it or not into the growth of ivy. Wanted 36 tapered posts from 4ins to 0in all 40ins long the posts to be installed on 6ins x 8ft fence post  2 at 45 deg 2 at 90 deg and 2 at 135 deg total 6 statue type stick men .the idea was for Ivy to be planted at base and for it to twist round the varying diameters .  Quoted price and did the job University paid promptly, went to see them about 18 months later cant see the posts,as covered iin ivy,  student now has PhD in the growth of ivy . 
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: Mike313 on October 13, 2019, 06:28:12 PM
I would be wary if I were you - being superstitious can be EXTREMELY unlucky !!!
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: John Plater on October 13, 2019, 07:24:48 PM
I received a commission from a person of mystical disposition to turn out the centre from a log and drill holes through the sides for the fairies to enter.
ATB John
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: seventhdevil on October 14, 2019, 10:38:23 AM
i consider that a weird reason behind the commission but a normal commission...

it will depend as to what you consider weird i suppose, i got asked for a 12' maypole that is currently down in hastings.

i've also had to sand and oil some real tennis racquets for a trophy.
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: bodrighywood on October 14, 2019, 11:07:38 AM
I had to make some pie dishes for a chef because he reckoned the pies tasted better when cooked in a wooden dish. Never tasted them so can't argue LOL.

Pete
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: JollyJim on October 14, 2019, 01:23:08 PM
.....enjoyed t :-hese postings - thanks fellas - Jim

 :) ;) :D ::)


Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: willstewart on October 14, 2019, 04:34:13 PM
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: Twisted Trees on October 14, 2019, 04:54:35 PM
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...

I think we owe JK Rowling a vote of thanks, children, grandchildren, now want the sticks they play with to have seen a lathe  :) Last one I gave to my granddaughter  because it was 'broken' I couldn't make anything invisible with it!

Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: bodrighywood on October 14, 2019, 05:59:55 PM
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...

I think we owe JK Rowling a vote of thanks, children, grandchildren, now want the sticks they play with to have seen a lathe  :) Last one I gave to my granddaughter  because it was 'broken' I couldn't make anything invisible with it!

Try selling them at shows and charge about £50 ech. Makes people invisible very quickly LOL

Pete
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: Twisted Trees on October 14, 2019, 09:12:52 PM
I have not tried selling them, have been paid for a couple of commissioned ones.

At many shows I give away simple spinning tops, but they are only free to under 10 year olds, they are priced at £100 each for anyone else.  The plan is to get the children playing and the bored parents actually get trapped into actually looking at my stall. Problem is I often have people haggling about the £100 price tag like it was real in the first place!
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: hughie on October 22, 2019, 01:29:24 PM
Lol ,what a great topic. I have a friend who makes wands on a regular basis and has a steady turnover each month all due to J. K. Rowlings
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: burywoodturners on October 22, 2019, 05:49:05 PM
I occasionally get a request from a lighting shop, the last one was for a base to covert an ostrich egg into a lamp. I did this and it turned out that the customer had returned from a holiday in South Africa, where ostrich eggs are on sale in souvenir shops with a map shrink wrapped round it.
Ron
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: The Bowler Hatted Turner on October 23, 2019, 09:34:31 AM
Not an odd commission but an odd customer..............in the shop I had a couple of boxes made from Walnut and I put an alternative Ivory lid on top with a small knob from Af Blackwood. Dinky little pieces just the tight size for tourists. My shelves are near to the cash desk and I overheard one woman, after placing her hands on the lid, telling her friend how wrong it is to kill Elephants for their Ivory and that she could feel (!) the spirit of the animal screaming because of the loss of its tusk. The look on her face and the giggles from other customers present was priceless as I informed her that it was made from resin.
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: John Plater on October 23, 2019, 09:46:54 AM
Another odd customer story. The lady was not allowed to purchase the piece until the partner had caressed the bowl and declare that it had good spirit and was ready to leave me, the maker  :)
ATB John
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: BrianH on November 02, 2019, 12:04:51 PM
Having started this thread I suppose I should now come clean with a warning about the inherent dangers of turning mushrooms...…


About 3.5 yonks ago (back in the days when 'Hot' and 'Cool' were opposites!) I met a sailing friend of mine on the river and he asked me if, while doing that 'latheing' business (his word not mine!), I could make a  mushroom.
"Easy peasy beginners project," says I, "why?"
"My daughter has started a collection and would love a wooden one".
"Is that the daughter whose other half builds 3 wheeler motor bikes?" I asked.
"The very same".
I, foolishly as it turned out, offered a collectable mushroom in exchange for a ride on a trike and went about my business ignorant of the jeopardy I had just put my dignity in.
I made and delivered a handful of differently styled mushrooms and promptly forgot every word of the rest of the deal.

Many weeks later I was at home swotting for my upcoming 'Old Fartdom' entry exams when the quaint sound of a Spitfire crash landing in our road drew my attention. On closer examination I found a vehicle whose supercharged V8 engine was longer, and taller, than my car and its rear tyres looked like a rubber version of those found on a steam roller.
No rider/driver could possibly reach over the engine so it was steered by a cute little wheel no bigger than the old half crown. In short the motor-bike-with-an-extra-wheel I had expected had morphed into a one-wheel-short dragster.
I was instantly hussled onto the rear seat (two bits of ply and a cushion... Why are so many engineers so frightened of working with wood?) and we set off in fits and starts of jawdropping acceleration intersperced with braking which risked my dentures, through the town and onto the local bypass.
A cold sweat has come over me as I expunge the memory of that trip: No helmet, no jacket, no goggles and, so I was assured afterwards, 140 MPH. I would rather describe my laundry problems in public than to relive those 15 minutes of sheer terror.
I was dropped uncerimoniously at home, ashen faced and jelly legged, and the 3 wheeled appirition disappeared in a cloud of fumes... I never even discovered the driver's name!     
I did, however notice the name of the supercharged monster?  'THE BLOW JOB'! What else could it be?

All the best
Brian
Title: Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
Post by: burywoodturners on November 05, 2019, 07:36:06 PM
(http://)
Last club night a request for a wood turner came through the counter staff, (we meet in a toy tool shop) It passed through the chairman's hands and eventually to me . It was for the making of a pair of curtain rod finials, easy i thought, not really taking in the dimensions...
The customer brought the wood to me later and my heart sank, as they were two 150mm 150mm blocks of poplar, consisting of layers of 50mm planks glued together. The plan was to turn two 150mm balls with  a 115mm diameter hole for the curtain rod.

This pushed the limits of my lathe and at times of me as well.

I was well afraid of what might happen if the block was out of balance when i started the lathe so I took the guard and drive belt of and spun it by hand and letting it stop and marking the  heavy spot and chipping the heavy part away. I stood well to one side with one finger on the start button and another on the stop button! they were both in balance after that so I was able to turn it to round.

After some really hard work and a lot of shavings I eventually made the balls above.

My customer was highly delighted and claimed they were the best finials, but to date all he has seen is the photo....

He said the next job for him was to make the steel frame to support it all I asked if it was for a theatre and he sad it was for a private house.
Ron