Author Topic: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?  (Read 7741 times)

Offline BrianH

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The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« on: October 13, 2019, 02:15:56 PM »
A lady comes into the workshop carrying a holly log no more than 3" diameter and split to bugerness at both ends. The conversation went something like this....
Lady: Please can you make me something out of this log?
Me: I'm sorry but I loath commissions and, besides, the tree has been down too long and all these splits make it only fit for the fire.
Lady:  Please can you try only my next door neighbour has quite frightened me.
Me: frightened you, How?
Lady: The holly tree was growing in my garden but blew down in the last gale and now my neighbour tells me if I don't keep a piece of the tree the witches will put a spell on me...… Yes, I have trouble believing it as well but I really don't want to take the risk.
Me, playing for time to digest this hogwash: There is no way I can guarantee anything will come of it but I will try cutting both ends off the log and see if we can find anything more solid nearer the middle.
Long story short.....
I landed up making a tiny, thin walled square bowl, with visible splits but no sanding, no finishing and no polish of any kind. I then buried the bowl within a paper bag filled with its own wettish shavings and passed all responsibility for its future treatment back to the lady, only asking for a donation to my favoured charity.   
She went away delighted, leaving me to check the contents of the workshop vac for any signs of ruined witchcraft.

A strange world we Woodies inhabit!

Offline burywoodturners

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2019, 05:16:21 PM »
A club member wanted something to complete a project, and I had to plane a piece of soft wood - for the shavings! It shows that some turners do not go out side of their craft.
ron

Offline Twisted Trees

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2019, 05:43:08 PM »
Conversely, I love commission work, the more obscure the better, especially if I can interpret their desires. Non turning I have made planchette's for Ouija boards, supplied sawdust for soft toy stuffing, replicated a dining room in miniature as plant stands for the conservatory.

One of the weirdest turning projects was a 3' sewing pin to hang a sign from.   

As for the witch spell, you got a challenge, your charity got some cash, and the customer has a holly bowl to care for.... 3 spells for the price of one  ;)
TT, AKA Pete, but that name is taken :-)

Offline michaelb

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2019, 06:10:24 PM »
Firstly Brian you must collect the shavings from the Holly take them into a field and dance around them naked this will ward of the witches and probably everyone else.

Couple of years ago was approached by a Student doing a PhD in believe it or not into the growth of ivy. Wanted 36 tapered posts from 4ins to 0in all 40ins long the posts to be installed on 6ins x 8ft fence post  2 at 45 deg 2 at 90 deg and 2 at 135 deg total 6 statue type stick men .the idea was for Ivy to be planted at base and for it to twist round the varying diameters .  Quoted price and did the job University paid promptly, went to see them about 18 months later cant see the posts,as covered iin ivy,  student now has PhD in the growth of ivy . 
No pockets in shrouds spend it now

Offline Mike313

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2019, 06:28:12 PM »
I would be wary if I were you - being superstitious can be EXTREMELY unlucky !!!

Offline John Plater

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2019, 07:24:48 PM »
I received a commission from a person of mystical disposition to turn out the centre from a log and drill holes through the sides for the fairies to enter.
ATB John
If I had a better lathe, I would be able to show my ineptitude more effectively.

Offline seventhdevil

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2019, 10:38:23 AM »
i consider that a weird reason behind the commission but a normal commission...

it will depend as to what you consider weird i suppose, i got asked for a 12' maypole that is currently down in hastings.

i've also had to sand and oil some real tennis racquets for a trophy.

Offline bodrighywood

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2019, 11:07:38 AM »
I had to make some pie dishes for a chef because he reckoned the pies tasted better when cooked in a wooden dish. Never tasted them so can't argue LOL.

Pete
Turners don't make mistakes, they have design opportunities

Offline JollyJim

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2019, 01:23:08 PM »
.....enjoyed t :-hese postings - thanks fellas - Jim

 :) ;) :D ::)



Offline willstewart

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2019, 04:34:13 PM »
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...

Offline Twisted Trees

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2019, 04:54:35 PM »
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...

I think we owe JK Rowling a vote of thanks, children, grandchildren, now want the sticks they play with to have seen a lathe  :) Last one I gave to my granddaughter  because it was 'broken' I couldn't make anything invisible with it!

TT, AKA Pete, but that name is taken :-)

Offline bodrighywood

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #11 on: October 14, 2019, 05:59:55 PM »
Well I made some wands from (real) elder wood.  Had to improvise a bit for the phoenix feather core with layers of red/orange/yellow dyed veneer glued into a sandwich with the elder before turning.  But looked pretty good!  Supplied to nephews against a promise not to turn anyone into a furry animal...

I think we owe JK Rowling a vote of thanks, children, grandchildren, now want the sticks they play with to have seen a lathe  :) Last one I gave to my granddaughter  because it was 'broken' I couldn't make anything invisible with it!

Try selling them at shows and charge about £50 ech. Makes people invisible very quickly LOL

Pete
Turners don't make mistakes, they have design opportunities

Offline Twisted Trees

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2019, 09:12:52 PM »
I have not tried selling them, have been paid for a couple of commissioned ones.

At many shows I give away simple spinning tops, but they are only free to under 10 year olds, they are priced at £100 each for anyone else.  The plan is to get the children playing and the bored parents actually get trapped into actually looking at my stall. Problem is I often have people haggling about the £100 price tag like it was real in the first place!
TT, AKA Pete, but that name is taken :-)

Offline hughie

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2019, 01:29:24 PM »
Lol ,what a great topic. I have a friend who makes wands on a regular basis and has a steady turnover each month all due to J. K. Rowlings

Offline burywoodturners

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Re: The wierdest commision.......or do you know better?
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2019, 05:49:05 PM »
I occasionally get a request from a lighting shop, the last one was for a base to covert an ostrich egg into a lamp. I did this and it turned out that the customer had returned from a holiday in South Africa, where ostrich eggs are on sale in souvenir shops with a map shrink wrapped round it.
Ron