Author Topic: Joke  (Read 19429 times)

Offline Les Symonds

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Re: Joke
« Reply #90 on: August 02, 2015, 09:34:13 PM »

'I took the wife’s family out for tea biscuits. They weren’t too happy about having to give blood though.'  Les Dawson



..on the subject of Les Dawson, I recall his joke about the poverty of his upbringing. He claimed that prior to his 3rd birthday he had never ventured out of doors because they were too poor to buy clothes. As a 3rd birthday present, his parents therefore bought him a cap........ so that he could look out of the window.

Les
Education is important, but wood turning is importanter.

Offline Mark Sanger

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Re: Joke
« Reply #91 on: August 03, 2015, 08:34:03 AM »

'I took the wife’s family out for tea biscuits. They weren’t too happy about having to give blood though.'  Les Dawson



..on the subject of Les Dawson, I recall his joke about the poverty of his upbringing. He claimed that prior to his 3rd birthday he had never ventured out of doors because they were too poor to buy clothes. As a 3rd birthday present, his parents therefore bought him a cap........ so that he could look out of the window.

Les



 :D :D :D :D :D :D

Offline bodrighywood

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Re: Joke
« Reply #92 on: August 11, 2015, 08:07:26 AM »
Answers most problems I think
Turners don't make mistakes, they have design opportunities

Offline GBF

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Re: Joke
« Reply #93 on: December 03, 2015, 08:18:23 PM »
The foreman of an Irish road crew employed Paddy to paint the white lines down the middle of the road. He told Paddy that he should paint two miles of road in a day’s work.

 After the first day, the foreman was pleased to find that he'd painted four miles of road instead of the two required.

 On the second day, Paddy completed painting just 2 miles of road. The foreman was a bit disappointed, but didn’t complain as this was, after all, only what he’d asked for.

 On day 3, the foreman was disappointed to find that Paddy had painted only one mile of road, and so asked, "On yer first day, ya adid four moiles o’ road. On yer second ya did two moiles. But on yer tird day ya only did one moil. What’s up?”

Paddy replied, "Well, oil tell ya what’s up, but I tought a clever bloke loik you woulda been able ta figger it out fer yerself! Yer see, every day I gets ferder an’ ferder away from de paint can!”
The man that never made a mistake never made anything

Offline GBF

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Re: Joke
« Reply #94 on: December 03, 2015, 08:21:33 PM »
> A tourist in Vienna is
>
> going through a graveyard and
> all of a sudden
>
> he hears music. No one is
> around so he starts
>
> searching for the source.
>
> He finally locates the origin
> and finds
>
> it is coming from a grave
> with a headstone that
>
> reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven,
> 1770- 1827". Then
>
> he realizes that the
>
> music is Beethoven's Ninth
> Symphony and it is being
>
> played backward!
>

>
> Puzzled, he leaves the
> graveyard
>
> and persuades a friend to
> return with him. By
>
> the time they arrive back at
> the grave, the music has
>
> changed. This time it is the
> Seventh
>
> Symphony, but like the
> previous piece, it is
>
> being played backwards.
>

>
> Curious, the men agree to
> consult
>
> a music scholar. When they
> return with the
>
> expert, the Fifth Symphony is
>
> playing again backwards.
>

>
> The expert notices that the
> symphonies are
>
> being played in the reverse
>
> order in which they were
> composed, the 9th then
>
> the 7th then the 5th.
>

>
> By the next day the word has
> spread, and a
>
> crowd has gathered around
>
> the grave. They are all
> listening to
>
> the Second Symphony being
> played backward.
>
> Just then the graveyard's
>
> caretaker ambles up to the
> group.
>

>
> Someone in the group asks him
> if
>
> he has an explanation for the
> music.
>

>
> "I would have thought it was
> obvious," the
>
> caretaker says.
>

>

>
 "He's decomposing."
The man that never made a mistake never made anything